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Today Don Miller stopped by the office of Relevant Magazine. I am a big fan of Miller's style of writing, finding it highly engaging, easy to read and with nuggets of Truth told in story. So to turn around and see him talking with others was my geek out moment of the day. To add to it, in a hilarious stroke of coincidence the exact same minute he walked in (and this is not an exaggeration) is the fact that a friend has just sent me a gchat message asking if I had read his new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. The same minute! Go figure.
All this Don Miller-ness in my life prompted me to go to his website and check out the latest on his blog. In doing this I ran across this quote: "2. Confession: Half the time, if not more than half, I am full of bullshit [sorry if you are offended by the language, but it is a quote and I though an accurate use of the word]. I share what will make me look good. If I am vulnerable, I share just enough vulnerability to be perceived as vulnerable, rather than to actually humiliate myself so that others can talk more openly about their own insecurities. I also leak in my accomplishments, and I’ve become a master at it. I don’t even know I am doing it half the time, and the other half I strategically list my accomplishments so that they come off as dismissive or “in passing.”
Oh the truth in this statement for my own life! I completely and totally know what he says about sharing "enough vulnerability to be perceived as vulnerable." It is quite a shameful practice. In fact, I had my own moment with that last night at the small group I am a part of from my church. In the Bible Study, I had written something down to the effect that "I know that my life without God is messed up so I pursue God for peace and comfort. In essence, I am pursue God for selfish means, I focus on God because really I am focusing on me. How do I pursue God for the sake of pursuing God?" I shared this with the group and everyone started chiming in. And a funny thing happened.
As people gave me their two cents on how to pursue God as an end goal and what they thought about pursuing God for "selfish reasons", I found myself being slightly put off. The thought that ran through my head was, "yea, I totally know this guys, you dont have to tell me." And I realized that I was being completely arrogant and being vulnerable enough just to be perceived as deep, as vulnerable, but not willing to let people speak into my life. What a shame! For the record, one of the girls shared a beautiful point that "The more you pursue God for whatever reasons, the more you see Him for who He is, the more you will be compelled to worship." Profound.
I want to be humble, but I admit I can be a slave to checking how many people have read my blog or my articles I write for Relevant. I need practice at humility. I want to be vulnerable but I dont allow people to see the truly ugly parts of my life, the times I lose my patience or curse or am a proud punk are well camouflaged . I need practice with vulnerability. I want my life to give glory to God, for those to read, see, hear what I say or do and say "What an amazing God he serves," not "What an amazing kid he is." And I need practice. I am thankful that God forgives when I fail.